The internet has already had a field day mocking this deceptively friendly-looking chap for his frankly crushingly predictable op-ed on why feminists are not on his “would bang” list. 

Poor Dave. Dave, if you’re reading this (though I’m not sure why you would, since I have ‘feminist’ in the tagline of my blog) I’m not here to make fun of you. I am, however, concerned about the state of the heterosexual dating scene, and I want to spread some comfort. Although I will concede that your op-ed truly is the reason why you will never date a feminist, aside from this we don’t agree on much.

tumblr_nfbk64DMSZ1thkqcyo1_1280.jpgThis is not the first declaration from a white man (and somehow, all the ones I’ve come across, they are always white,  I don’t know why) that have sworn off dating feminists. Not sure why they need to – feminists tend not to want to date men who don’t consider them their social, economic or political equal. Hell, #notallfeminists want to date men but, Dave my friend, I will return to that point later. There’s currently a rather odd backlash against feminism. Women, and even cats, are now loudly declaring themselves against feminists and feminism.

Everyone seems rather confused.


Now, Dave, Dave my man, I’m not going to get into it with you over your claims that there is no such thing as the wage gap or rape culture. Let’s agree to disagree. I’m not interested in dating you (nothing personal, Dave) so our political differences hopefully won’t get in a the way of a little intellectual discussion. I am concerned about your interpretation of the “Red Pill.” You claim that the Red Pill is a ‘philosophy’ ‘which aims to point out how derogatory, hypocritical and vindictive third-wave feminists can be.’ Is it, Dave? Is it? Or is it PUA-speak for disregarding women’s wishes on the dating scene? You see, I’m a bit concerned that you both dismiss the existence of rape culture and then use the language of one of its strongest proponents. I’m also unclear on what’s ‘derogatory’ about women asking to be paid the same as men, not raped, and given equal civil liberties.

One much-praised commenter points out:

“If you disagree that rape and being paid less are problems, then you aren’t qualified to date. You’re probably not qualified to be in the presense of a woman, but something tells me your attempts at dating haven’t gone very well because you’re spending too much time on the Red Pill subreddit being convinced that women are out to get your money and children, of which you have neither.”

I’m afraid, Dave, I rather take his point.

But I’ve got distracted, Dave. I’ve done that thing you hate! I’ve made a comment critical of your sincerely-held belief that feminism is I know I’m not going to talk you out of that. So let’s move on.

My real problem, Dave old pal, my real problem with your op-ed – which is so middle-of-the-road MRA PUA that there was almost nothing in it to stimulate me to reply apart from this – is this little gem you have left at the end:

“Maybe one day, men and women will stop trying to eliminate the lines between us and realize it’s the differences between the sexes that make romance, family and love an enjoyable experience.”

Now Dave, dear, sweet Dave, I don’t want to shock you, and I hope you’re sitting down, but  I feel obliged to tell you that there is such a thing as same-sex love, sex and romance. I know! Hard to believe. Also – now I only speak for myself here – but when choosing a romantic partner, chromosomal makeup isn’t my only criteria. Now, I may be crazy. Perhaps all other humans date by choosing someone who is as diametrically opposed from them as possible on the gender scale. But I’m not so sure. I know two rather lovely ladies who manage to have a very enjoyable romantic and family experience without any difference between the sexes. I know! It sounds mad, Dave. But I tell you I saw it with my own two eyes.

Dave, Dave my old buddy my old pal, you’re so right. You will never date a feminist. You say it’s because of people who are ‘more loyal to their gender’ than to their partner. I’m afraid, I think the person who is wedded to their gender is you. To that, and a bizarre idea of worldwide heterosexuality and binary and diametrically opposed gender identity.

The Red Pill isn’t real, Dave. The Matrix is a movie. Women are people, human beings, just like you. Some of them like women, some of them like men. Some of them are feminists, some of them are not. Some say they are not, but fundamentally believe in the radical notion that they are humans like you, deserving of the same love, respect and dignity. Love isn’t about being opposites on a sex or gender binary. Love isn’t about people fitting into cookie-cut roles. Women don’t hate men. Sometimes they point out systemic oppression, and that’s not fun to hear about. Sit yourself down and listen to some Beyoncé. Feminists – women  – like love, sex and romance just as much as the next guy. But I think it’s right you’ve decided not to date feminists. We’ll try to get through it. I’m afraid it says more about you than about feminists that you’re afraid of dating someone who considers themselves your social, political and economic equal.

2014 MTV Video Music Awards - Fixed Show